I don’t usually share my thoughts and feelings when I have a day like today but something told me I needed to let it all out. So here it goes….
I haven’t left the house since Tuesday of last week, here it is 3am on the following Monday. Yea I’ve been stuck in the house for almost a week. My husband just recently got two jobs and neither of them know how to work around each other so he’s had my van since his car isn’t running right now. Last Tuesday my 1 yr old went to his Nana’ s So he could go to church with her on Wednesday. My husband picked him up after work on Thursday. Then on Friday my 3 yr old went to Nana’s to go to church with her on Sunday. My husband picked him up after one job on Sunday and dropped him off at home and went to his 2nd job.
Before I go any further, please know I love my boys with all of my heart. I would never harm them and I never pawn them off on anyone. When my mom asks for her grandsons though I don’t deny her and I won’t keep them from church, they like to go.
With that being said, when my 3 yr old got home it was time for my 1 yr old to take a nap. I layed him down and Elijah asked to watch Mickey Mouse Club House so I put that on for him and I went to working on helping getting two Facebook groups up and running for my business.
Now the past week has been pretty hectic with all the things I was trying to do, and trying to remember to do. My memory has been pretty horrible lately. I’ve been dealing with finals week in school, cleaning the house several times a day because even my husband don’t know how to clean up after himself. Taking care of the boys. Trying to remember to eat and to eat healthy since I’m trying to lose weight. Trying to build my business. Trying to find new ways to reach people. Dealing with rejection. Dealing with disappointment. Dealing with lies and rude people. Helping two different Facebook groups with almost the same images and goals in mind open up and hoping to start something new and exciting in the network marketing world.
Today, well yesterday now, was really bad. The moment Rylee woke up from his nap he did nothing but scream and cry. So I’m dealing with him screaming and crying and trying to get into my cupboards and the dog food and hitting his brother. While also trying to keep Elijah happy by putting new shows on every 15 minutes, letting the dog out every 5 minutes because there’s deer in the yard and she won’t stop barking at the door. Trying to make dinner and trying to finish the advertisements for the Facebook group and trying to help answer everyone’s questions from that group. Not to mention I still had school work to do. I was starting to lose my mind.
For dinner I made the boys macaroni & cheese because they love it. Well Rylee, screaming and crying in his high chair decides to throw his food all over the floor, and Elijah decided he wasn’t going to eat at all. By now I can feel my stress level climbing way higher than I want it to. I tried giving Rylee one of his baby cookies and he threw that too. I couldn’t handle it anymore and my husband was still at work. I raised my voice at them, which made Rylee scream louder, and I told Elijah he either eats or he’s going to be grounded to the couch tomorrow. He started crying and said he wanted to go to bed.
I got them both ready for bed, Rylee is still screaming and crying. I layed them down. I told them I love them and left. Rylee was still screaming. At this point is when I remembered our oils. I’ve been so overwhelmed that I completely forgot the one things that could have helped the whole situation!! I put our calming oils in both the boys diffusers, layed Rylee back down and left their rooms. Rylee finally stopped screaming after a few minutes and went to sleep. I still have no idea why he was so grumpy.
My husband still wasn’t home from work so I went and took a shower. In there I totally lost it. I sat down and I cried, and I yelled at myself. How could I talk like that to my baby’s? How could I raise my voice to them in that way? I hate it when my husband raises his voice to me or them, so how can I do something I hate? Who was I in that moment? How could I not rock my babies and sing to them and kiss them goodnight like I always do? They are my pride and joys, and I love them with all my heart. How can I justify my actions?
After my shower my husband was home. I told him what happened, and why the dishes weren’t done yet. Mind you that was the only thing not done. But he didn’t say anything about how I acted, he just went and did the dishes for me. Since I had cried a lot and calmed myself down, I went and sat next to each one of my boys beds and watched them sleep.
I sat there and I sang to them and I kissed their foreheads, being careful not to wake them. As I was leaving Elijah’s room he rolled over and said mommy I love you. It was in that moment that I realized there is no way to be a perfect mommy. But in the eyes of your child you will always be perfect to them.
No matter what you say, no matter how you say it, no matter how you feel, you are not alone. Sometimes you need to stop what you are doing, take a shower or bath and have a good cry. We are always new mommies. Even if you have multiple kids, we are new mommies with each one because every kid is different. Even if your kids are teenagers, we are new mommies because our kids have not been that age before! We are not always going to get everything right, and that’s ok because we are also human. Do not let a certain situation make or break You! Let the experiences build you, and learn from them.
Your babies are going to only be little for so long. So hold their hand a little longer, sing them another song, kiss their forheads a little more, and rock them a little longer, you won’t always be able to do it. Grab your oils and start diffusing to give yourself a little more pick me up, happiness, and good vibes. Don’t have oils yet? Well then be sure to check them out here, or message me directly and I would love to help you with your oily journey!!
But whatever you do, always remember that you are not alone. You are not alone in your feelings and frustrations, and you are not alone in being an overwhelmed mama. If you ever need someone to vent to or to just have someone listen to you then please don’t hesitate to contact me, through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Email. I’m here for you.